When children don’t have the words to express how they feel, it often comes out as negative behavior. Helping children name and express how they feel improves behavior.
That’s easier said than done
Just this morning, my daughter screamed and refused to finish a writing assignment. I know she struggles with writing and felt frustrated by the assignment. At the same time, screaming at mom isn’t an option. During these moments, here is something you could try.
Step 1: Use a When…..Then……statement to establish a parent boundary, a strategy I learned from Parent Coach, Sharoya Ham.
WHEN you speak to me in a calmer voice, THEN we can look at this assignment together.
*Encourage your child to learn strategies like squeezing a stuffed animal, running around the house, listening to music, petting an animal, drawing to calm strong emotions. I often have to take a time-out too.
Step 2: Take a DEEP breath (5 seconds in, 5 seconds out and wait till you are both calm
*Deep breathing calms the nervous system
Step 3: Validate the emotion + activate problem-solving + get going!
*Helping your child name the emotion then activate problem-solving, integrates the brain’s emotional part with the thinking part. Your child’s behavior becomes more helpful rather than harmful, and your child learns ways to express and navigate their strong emotions.
Eventually, the goal is for your child to be able to express how they feel and activate problem-solving independently. This will help your child persevere in their learning and know how to problem-solve challenges in your next move.
When you try this, let me know how it goes!